An Interview that Sparked a Young Mind

Around 4:56 I received a phone call from an unknown number. "Hello?" "Hey this is Holly Calvasina." That is how it started.

"I won't take up too much of your time.""It's no problem," Ms. Calvasina said with a slight laugh.

Honestly, excuse my gayness, but Ms. Calvasina sounds really attractive over the phone. I'm just throwing that out there.

I immediately jumped into the questions. There were only a few; five in total.

1."What would you consider yourself when it comes to labels?"
I am a female who is in a relationship with another female. (lesbian) By the way, Ms. Calvasina has been with her significant other for 6 years and she is engaged currently. Congratulations to her :)

2. "What stereotypes do you come in contact with having the label of a lesbian?"
Ms. Calvasina replied to this question by saying that it was kind of complicated, but that most of the stereotypes are the traditional ones. Ex: "man hater", "couldn't get a man", the INFAMOUS " you haven't met the right man", "it's a phase", "being a feminist led to becoming a lesbian" It was also mutually agreed that men hitting on lesbians in public is annoying. Ugh.

3. "Do you find any of the stereotypes to be true?"
Most of the stereotypes aren't true, but for the ones that are true, they're true only because they are true when pertaining to some individuals.

4. "Do you think that the stereotypes you are faced with can transfer into heterosexuality?"
"Straight until proven gay." **KUDOS for this quote. Hands down the best quote I've ever heard.** I'm very glad that I asked this question. The answer was very interesting. Ms. Calvasina told me that the labeling of sexuality is made up in our minds. "It's easier for society to create labels." The metaphor she used was "sexuality is a spectrum". So true. I wish I could've gotten Ms. Calvasina's answer to this question word for word. I was really interested with it.

The interview couldn't be solely about me and my blog topic, so of course I had to end the interview by asking about Ms. Calvasina's blog.

5. "What made you start your blog?"
I could hear the animation in Ms. Calvasina's voice as she answered the question. She began to tell me that her blog is a part of  a bigger picture. SHE PLANS TO WRITE A BOOK EVERYONE! The blog's mission is to develop a starting base, see what reaches the people and to establish a narrative voice.


I have never conducted an interview. I must say that the interview was very fun. Ms. Holly Calvasina is a nice woman with a great personality. I thoroughly enjoy speaking with her. Ya'll should definitely check out her blog http://femme-inistmanifesto.blogspot.com

Differing Views of the Young

"Girls really need to want what it is that they constantly ask for." 

     That statement was the thing that made our conversation go from joking to serious in 2.5 seconds. Liz responded first by telling Xavier that "maybe guys should be more willing to provide what girls ask for so that we don't have to settle." She put emphasis on the word "settle". I honestly did not know Liz and Xavier from Eve and Adam. I did not want to get into what would usually be a huge argument between less level'-headed individuals. I kept my hands at ten and two on the steering wheel and eyes on the road ahead of us.

     Liz turned to me and asked for my opinion on the matter. I said it straight: "You can't truly want something if you aren't willing to accept it when it's offered." We were getting on the interstate when I said this. I remember a black Acura pulling into the lane to the left of me when I said that. It felt like a metaphor for what was happening with our conversation:moving into a different lane; the feeling that things were changing.

     Amidst the things that were said, we interjected our reasoning with personal experiences. "Of course there are times when girls settle because they simple don't understand their worth yet," Liz said. "I remember when I used to just let anyone do anything because I didn't know any better." A million things played through my head. "My past is filled with examples that back up this entire situation. I always put other peoples' worth above my own so I was in the same boat as you." Xavier blandly stated that guys' "self-worth" never measures up to women's'. Liz, who , I will interject, would be a phenomenal women's activist, immediately jumped on the statement by saying, "Women are expected to go through so much: be strong, give birth, love fiercely, yet still be the submissivwe and bow to their man."

     At this point, after we have through some comments that given us somewhat of a feel of each others character, we are speaking quite freely on how we feel. Xavier, probably in fear of getting jumped by both me and Liz if he made the wrong move with this topic of discussion, quickly cleared up what he meant. "I'm all for women who are strong in their own right. There are some women who are strong without a man justifying their strength. Women shouldn't need a man to be strong anyway." "I agree," I said. "Why depend on someone who is possibly just a variable in your life? Some women are potentially strong but weak in the mind."

     As we pulled into the Krystal parking lot, Liz was telling us about a girl who was so dependent on  the guy she was talking to that she did not realize that he was clearly no good. The story was about a girl who was talking to a guy who had five kids and that she did not want the guy to leave so that she was willing to have his sixth child. I was appalled. "Does she not see that he evidently doesn't so well with pulling out or responsibility?" We all laughed. A comic relief was necessary. The conversation was getting deep.

     Somewhere along the way we got onto the topic of cheating. Xavier and I both said that we had never cheated but had been cheated on. Liz admitted that she had been on both sides of the fence when dealing with cheating. She told us about how the initial boyfriend had no idea the cheating was going on. Apparently the guy she was cheating with had a girlfriend as well and they were friends to begin with. We all had varying views on the topic of cheating. We did all agree that we would not do it. As for Liz, she simply said that she wouldn't do it again. She said that she learned her lesson.

     "The thing was that he didn't know that I was cheating. It went on for about three months without notice. I ended it because I just didn't want it anymore." Xavier had to lean forward and ask Liz how she did it. I laughed, "The thing that guys don't realize is that girls are way sneakier. Not saying that all girls cheat or even that they will. I just know that girls are more analytical than guys. We can sense that a guy is lying before he even finishes his alibi." "I mean," Xavier paused to figure out how to word his reply. "Women are more emotional though." "So?" Liz asked. "Emotional or not, women can separate emotions from sex and cheating. With a guy, it's written all over him. When a guy is cheating, while he's with his girlfriend, he's thinking about the girl he's cheating with and his girlfriend will definitely see it."

     "I think guys just get clumsy. You know how hard it must be to cheat? All of that work trying to get on out the back door before the other comes through the front? Too much work. I rather just be faithful or single." Liz and I both laughed at Xavier. "It's just like with flirting: you can't keep up with flirting with any and everybody because people will eventually catch feelings or something." I said. "Even with that, girls that flirt with a lot of guys will be labeled as a hoe even if they haven't had sex with any of the guys," Liz said. "So true, but if the tables were turned and it was a guy in the girl's shoes, he'd be getting high fives and pats on the back." Xavier agreed with both of our statements.

     Maybe it was just the conversation, but it was easy to conduce that I could definitely get used to the company of Liz and Xavier. What started as a simple statement, lead us to talking about stereotypes and double standards between genders. If a women is too strong, then she is no longer sticking to her role in society. If a guy has multiple sex partners, he is seen as a god to other guys. If a women has multiple sex partners, she is seen as a hoe. There are so many stipulations, yet so few reasons why they exist.

Welcome to the Land of Liberties

Often times I've wondered why stereotypes exist. I seem to come up short, but I was talking to a friend and we agreed that it is more than likely because society has set up "standards", as they say, and we are supposed to uphold them. 

These standards have become chains and while times have changed, some chains have broken and some have grown tighter. 

As the centuries have passed, the  "standards" have changed for the better and for the worse. Women are supposed to act as barefoot housewives in public but are sometimes the sole provider behind closed doors. Men are no longer counted on as the sole provider. Women are now expected to help, if not also pick up the slack if the man isn't. 

Expectations don't necessarily pertain to living arrangements. 

In the earlier years men and women alike weren't known to have multiple partners. That stipulation no longer applies to men but it still sticks for women. For a women to have multiple partners, she becomes known as a hoe, whereas men are upheld as kings for their conquest.

Hopefully no toes will be stepped on with my blog. I won't downplay anything. 

The unabashed view on biases,
Brooke